'This guy a ghost, 25 years old, no drivers license, no job, no rental history, nothing'

Come here take a look at this..

..there is this folder I his computer full of drawn frog images..

Attached: 1533336909921.png (701x668, 77.74K)

>b...body?

Attached: hqdefault[1].jpg (480x360, 13.4K)

"I want him watched, something doesn't sit right with me"

--- weeks pass ---

"Sir he has to be on to our surveillance, he hasn't done anything and I mean ANYTHING of note all this time."
"We gotta find the rat and learn more about this mastermind"

>Check his purchase history
>He only bought one medical mask
>This can't be true, he should buy more masks for his wife and kids
>Sir...

Jeez Kit is looking bad since GOT

I have a drivers license and a job.

Haha what wife and two daughters?

"Sir we've just had a request for a police clearance"
>"What's the problem? He probably has some misdemeanours and a couple of parking tickets, tick him off and let's be on our way"
"That's the problem, he has no criminal record, no driver's licence and no credit history"
>"Run the name through the federal database"
"Sir... I did... twice"
>"Put a team together"

>No twitter, facebook, instagram, tiktok, tumblr . . .
>How does this guy communicate with his friends?
>Sir, I don't think he has any.

>Sir, the records say this person isolated himself BEFORE the quarantine. He must have known what was coming.
>Contact the CIA. This goes deeper than we thought.

>So, what does this guy do for a living?
>Says here he's a "NEET".
>Hm, never heard of that.

Kek

>I want a team following him when he goes out for groceries
>Sir he hasn't come out from his house for a week now, he only orders pizza
>Ok, send one of our guys to pose as the delivery man
After a while
>So, how did it go?
>All seemed normal but...
>But what?
>He didn't tip!

>hm it says here he's an administrator on a site called "Yas Forums" or as they call it a "janitor"

>Sir, he pays in cash
>What are you saying
>I'm saying there is quite literally no way to find this guy

"He must get paid handsomely for such work"

>Our files indicate "He does it . . for free!"
>Dear God!

>Must be a new russian spy agency.

>I looked it up and it says it means "Not in Education Employment or Training" which basically means he's unemployed

"Investigate the dark web, he's clearing accepting untraceable currencies for his labours"

>Any medical history?
>Apart from being born, no. Not even checkups.

Attached: image.jpg (640x736, 65.07K)

>28 year old caucasian male
>Approximately 5'10" and 105 lbs no pigmentation due to lack of sunlight
>This guy lives at home and all we have on him is a birth certificate?

"Then what's he doing with his time? No one can live without goals or a family, we need to delve deeper"

>If the russians refuse to acknowledge him this guy must be a big deal.

>He most likely lives with his parents and either watches movies or plays video games all day, or there could be something else here as he's this clean. Maybe it's his computer.. I ran some checks and there doesn't appear to be anything fishy, no CP or unauthorized access to computer systems. Appears the worst this guy does is just torrent stuff, who cares though cause everyone does?

>What did you learn?
>Sir, his water bill is non-existent. It's like he doesn't shower, flush, or do laundry...ever.
>That just means no one is home. Lets get in there.
>But Sir, he IS home!
>What do you mean? He doesn't clean himself? He's in soiled clothing? He doesn't piss or shit?
>Sir, one of the boys swear he caught the guy on camera dumping 20 gatorade bottles of urine out his window.
>Jesus... where does he poop?
>The guys down in sewage maintenance said there is a massive drainage block in his home. Specifically, the shower.
>You said he doesn't shower?
>He doesn't.... Sir.....it appears he's smashing his fecal matter DOWN the drain in the shower.
>Good God... and what does he wear?
>He's only made 1 purchase at a clothing store in 6 years. It was for...hold on...let me get the receipt....1 XXL hoodie and a pair of gym shorts.
>Why would a fat man need gym shorts?
>No idea, Sir.

>"What's that you have there Agent?"
"I'm following up on that case from the other day, there must be some code to the messages he sends"
>"Explain yourself"
"He begins all of the conversations with these women with: 'Hey, how's it going?'. and it never leads anywhere and is often left as read"
>"It sounds like he's being ghosted, it's not abnormal agent"
"Sir, if I'm right then this man is the head of a home grown terror cell"
>"Sweet Mary and Joseph"

>Sir, we had a warrant and went through every encrypted file on his computer twice and searched his phone. This guy has no income stream whatsoever.
>Johnson, you mean to tell me we can't trace one crypto coin to this guy? He does't get one red cent from anybody? Not a single unit of foreign currency? Nothing!?
>Not a one, sarge. This guy gets no pay for his janitorial work. It must be some kind of charitable thing or a hobby. The only money we found were some birthday cards from a grandparent with a $20 bill.
>Johnson, I want you to search that computer again. There is no way this guy can afford that many chicken tendies and mountain dew on no income.

Yas Forums posts

>Not a single thing on his computer, officer. Just a bunch of anime, movies, tv shows, and porn - the kind of thing you'd expect to see from the computer of a guy like this. DHT listening on bittorrent protocol came back with nothing on him other than encrypted activity from a foreign IP address, most likely from a VPN or a proxy server.

>Jesus, he doesn't even have his state-mandated COVID vaccine shots.

The worst crime of all.

nice

>"He does it for free, sir."

>sir it appears he’s self quarantined
>well that’s no problem, he should be doing that...
>he’s been self quarantined long before the pandemic
>mother of god

>Four-Chian dot org? What's that, Frank, some kind of voodoo thing where they predict your future? Read palms? How could this guy be spending 8+ hours a day trying to predict his future when he has no past?

>sir it's been weeks and all he does is stay inside ordering food and supplies on a weekly basis and we still no track of him at all
>Goddamn it Johnson there has to be something
>Wait a minute sir, we finally got the feed to work
>WE GOT HIM! WE FINALLY GOT HIM!
>What? What is it?
>He posts on Yas Forums
>Posts on Yas Forums? What's that?
>No time for questions just follow me, we're going to talk to Hiroyuki
>Who's that?
>You'll see...

GODDAMMIT JENKINS ONE MORE DUMB COMMENT LIKE THAT AND I'LL HAVE YOUR BADGE, GUN AND YOUR OTHER GUN

kek

>assigned to go through young man's laptop
>look forward to seeing some porn
>nothing but Ryan Gosling pics

Attached: 445.jpg (960x960, 74.18K)

holy shit

>water bill
do americans really

>We listened on Yas Forums's servers through DHT, all of the posts from his IP address seem to be extremely plentiful and always filled with purposefully offensive rhetoric. Guess he just sits inside messing with people online all day? Damn.

Well I’m 25 and just don’t have rental history or friends. I make ok money I guess. L

But Sarge what about my third gun?

>Hiroyuki Junkushimanakamanko, he's the owner of the notorious underground website for gathering racists called Yas Forums
>He's actually one of ours and can provide us his true IP and every single of his posts and all his history
>Ladies and gentlemen, we got him!

>Sir! Sarge! Get over here! It's the anonymous case we've been working on. We've finally got something on this guy.
What the hell is going on Jenkins?! What did you find!
>An Amazon delivery sir, a package arrived at his home. One of our guys staked out caught a glimpse of it.
So, whats in it? Whats the big dal?
>It was some kind of a life size plastic woman sir. The box was huge and they caught a glimpse of it through the window as he opened it.
That is one sick son of a bitch. Is the doll what I think it's for?
>Probably not sir, unless you think its for cuddling and being called mommy.
This case just gets stranger with every new piece of evidence. Good job Jenkins, keep up on following this guy.

good lord

Yes, here you are expected to pay for the things you use. What do Euros do? Give people vital natural resources for free with no incentives at all to conserve or economize?

>>He's actually one of ours and can provide us his true IP and every single of his posts and all his history
This just got too real.

EVERY POST I HAVE EVER POSTED HERE HAS BEEN SATIRE AND DONE IN FULL JEST. I DO NOT CONDONE NOR HAVE EVER CONDONED ANYTHING I HAVE EVER POSTED!!!

do me next do me

for being a porch monkey yuman filth

>We've currently got drones on his house and it appears he's been inside masturbating to anime for 8 hours, good lord this case just keeps getting weirder and weirder!

Gookmoot can't actually do this can he?

CP

How many years can you get for Yas Forums posts?

>tell me you found something
>two things sir. a single image of the actor Aidan Gillen and a folder labeled 'sadfrog' with nothing but pictures of cartoon frogs inside
>...who the hell is this guy

In some states it's a capital crime.

umm sweety its actually called being "an instagram influencer and fitness entrepreneur with adult male following" these days

I think i've found his an accomplice!

Attached: fregg.png (1029x409, 58K)

>"For free, you say? Oh, this can't be good... If there's one thing I've learned about the world throughout all these years of service, Jenkins, it's that nothing in this world is free. There is not a single man on Earth who would moderate an anonymous image board for hours a day with no compensation. He must be getting something in return. Damn it! Our intelligence is still lacking. Time to pull another all-nighter, Jenkins."

>>'This guy a ghost, 25 years old, no drivers license, no job, no rental history, nothing'
>>'Contact one of his ex-girlfriends, they'll give us some dirt'
>>'Sarge, he's never had a girlfriend'
me but at age 40, also never had a bank account

>he's clean.. too clean

Attached: glownigger.jpg (999x583, 242.26K)

>We've got more intelligence on him, listening onto Yas Forums's servers again we've got data showing that he used his janitorial abilities to ban someone on the "technology" board for talking bad about anime.

this but unironically ironically

>Why does he refer to bicycles as the "two wheeled Jew"?