>Newsreader: "And the NHS advises that anyone infected with the coronavirus self-isolate..."
>Mark (internal monologue): "Self-isolating"? Heh, I've been doing that since I was 12, piece of cake
>Jez: “I don’t see what the big deal is, Corona is shit anyway, they should just stop selling it to the Japanese. Fucking capitalism”
Newsreader: "And the NHS advises that anyone infected with the coronavirus self-isolate..."
Tyler Sullivan
Samuel Bell
>Mark is torn between containment and getting out to get toilet paper, only to find out from Jez who just been out that its all sold out
James Brooks
good thread
Colton Russell
>Alright Mark, heard you might be interested in a bit of premium bog roll
>no problem mate, that’ll be 30 quid a roll
Jose Phillips
You know the credo, Mark. Illness equals weakness.
Grayson Reed
>He's been looking forward to staying in and reading a new book, but has to shit desperately and will end up ripping out pages to use as toilet paper by the end
Michael White
>"Thirty pounds?! That's not fair! You are profiteering off this whole thing!"
>"Don't blame me Mark, this is free market ain't it? You believe in this stuff, you should be fine."
>"Yes, but not at that price!"
>"Sorry mate, no discounts... it's mad out there, every man for himself, You stay healthy, yeah?"
>(Mark internally)"So this is how the world ends, not with a bang but with cough and shat underwear"
Hudson Ramirez
>Mark: (internal monologue) "I mean, I suppose it's all a bit mental with the coronavirus floating around but it's not like there's much chance of me getting near another woman anytime soon. Ugh, what i'd give to have someone else to..... no... control your thoughts Mark, just suppress them as usual and have a bit of a wank later."
>Jez: (interrupting): "Heyyyy Mark, Superhan's has invited us, well I mean, me not you- to a massive wicked fuck off party later so, and I know I said I would pay you rent this month but.. maybe instead I could just not today and you could maybe tag along to make up for it?"
Mark: "Tag along? And I presume the fact that you've invited me, is supposed to make up for the lost rent-"
Jez: "Oh come on Mark it'll be a laugh! A right bloody laugh."
Mark: "Wait, hang on Jez, you're not seriously going out in the middle of the bloody coronavirus epidemic.. are you completely off your tits?"
Noah Butler
I was glad to see this guy in the bbcs latest propaganda about blacks ruling the uk
David Adams
>epidemic, pandemic, systemic, academic. It’s all just bullshit to make people scared into staying in their little boxes Mark
>an old lady was coughing her guts up next me on the bus yesterday, and you know what? I feel fiiine. This isn’t the seventies or whatever, people don’t die of disease any more
Grayson Richardson
Well done
Jacob Rogers
You guys could actually write this.
Asher Bennett
IM NOT SICK BUT IM NOT WELL
Brody Perry
>no, you're right Jez this ISN'T the seventies, because in the seventies the Chinese wouldn't have let anyone leave in the first place
>*internal monologue* say what you like about Mao, he ran a tight ship
Brayden Morgan
Posting in epic bread
Oliver Hall
my sides
Chase Moore
>jez: Mark, Dobby called. Apparently Gerard is sick and you should call her about it. Apparently she knows about some club you’re both in?
>mark: oh, right.
>starwipe to next scene
>Mark; Jez, I called Dobby. She said he’s died. He’s fucking died of COVID-19!
>internal monologue for mark: fucking Gerard, dying just to separate me from Dobby. Class Gerard. I’m happy that yolta loving shit is dead.
Hunter Morris
Holy fuck this is gold
Yas Forums show when?
Chase Watson
based
Aiden Rodriguez
>you know, I heard Coronavirus was made by the chinks to try and attack the west, but one of the scientists brought his dog stew with him into the lab and forgot to finish it before leaving
Caleb Ross
>Mark: "Did you actually have to eat the bat soup?!?"
>Jez: "I don't know. i keep wondering that. but you know, in the moment it really did feel like I needed to eat it."
Nicholas Morgan
I literally could.
99% of the show would just be me shitposting and fapping
Gavin Gomez
4 bowls of bat soup Jeremy, 4? That's insane
Camden Foster
>What do you mean I can’t stay around your flat tonight? *vomits* Oh for fucks sake Mark I don’t have the virus you paranoid freak *coughs*
Jayden King
>It’s a “Jez hasn’t had sex for two weeks and starts calling himself an incel” episode
Jack Murphy
great thread, really
Aiden Sanders
I wish we got more episodes with him in it, he was based
Grayson Miller
>Big Suze: i'm not sure I can come with you Jeremy
>Jez: what why?!
>Big Suze: not to be terribly rude or anything, but I just think that if I'm going to get it from anyone, it would probably be you
>Jez: oh yeh, go on. poshos pissing on the working man I get it
>Internal monologue: Bloody Johnson. Sleeping with a black man's made her streetwise.
Ethan Scott
This is perfect
Joshua Hall
>"Why do we need to bother with stockpiling food and bog roll and all of that shit? It's just the flu, it's not a big deal. Besides, if worst comes to worst we've still got a couple of packets of Super Noodles in the back of the cupboard and those things last for decades"
>*internal monologue* "would eating noodles to outlast a chinese virus be racially insensitive? eh, not like we'd have much of a choice. Probably the Steak Fajita flavour anyway, nothing Chinese about a fajita"
Grayson Perry
>Doctor: Often I like to kick things off with a bit of word association. It's kind of a fun way...
>Mark: Is it diagnosis?
>Doctor: Not really, no. I'll just say a word and you tell me the very first thing that pops into your mind.
>Mark: (He's trying to diagnose me.)
>Doctor: Okay, let's start with an obvious one. Work.
>Mark: (Wuhan.) Woo... hoo.
>Therapist: Just say the first thing that comes to mind. Virus.
>(Everything.) ...not everything.
>Therapist: Communist Party.
>Mark: (Blind.) Uh, short of perfect.
>Therapist: Father.
>Mark: (Mao.) Martyr.
>Therapist: Bat
>Mark: (Soupy...) EAT! No, not eat!
Brody Williams
>Bloody Johnson. Sleeping with a black man's made her streetwise.
Joseph Richardson
>It’s all well and good being quarantined to northern Italy, but this is Greater London, if they quarantine us here we’ll probably be eaten alive by the heroin addicts and hate preachers within a week
Easton Barnes
>Superhans: my mate Baz, Baz the Woodchipper, he heard a rumour right, that Corona, yeh? Load of bollocks
>Mark: And this Baz, works for the World Health Organisation does he?
>Jez: Oh WHO, WHO, Doctor bloody WHO! No one needs the World Health Organisation Mark. It's just a front for Americans to sell us the drugs they make money off and ban the drugs they don't. God your naive.
>Mark: (internally) hm, he's right but I don't want him to know that he's right.
>Mark: You're wrong Jeremy.
Luke Richardson
>Jez: (remembers the bad thing) The bat thing. That was the bat thing.
>flashback of Superhans slurping on Jez's bat soup
>Superhans: (wipes mouth) Right, my turn now.
Juan Jones
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS
THIS IS CONTAGIOUS
Charles Long
That's just spot on. Hire this man.
Lincoln Walker
Josiah Morales
NOOOOOOO FUTURE
WAHAHHAHHAHJHHH
Christian Martin
holy shit, based thread
Adam Wood
SSSSOOOOOOO FUUUUUUTILE
Jaxon Lewis
I went and watched him in the theatre as Scrooge
was pure kino
Charles Myers
This thread shows there is still hope for Yas Forums.
Jack Hughes
Sneed
Brody Phillips
Quality thread
Jeremiah Butler
>theatre
Poof
Austin Watson
>just got back from super market
>they are literally sold out of bog roll
>10 people have died all elderly
It feels like some great scam just to sell toilet paper.
Aaron Gonzalez
Daniel Moore
the (you) bar is open and I'M BUYING
Chase Morales
I went with my gf
Asher Diaz
women are literally the gayest gender
Benjamin Adams
HIGH QUALITY
Andrew Sanders
It's only straight if your GF has a dick
Owen Hill
Dubs for a dobby gf
Connor Price
keep her
Parker Lopez
Shit taste
Lincoln Long
So have your put your dick in the dob?
Daniel Howard
dubs of truth, FUCK DOBBS and FUCK GERARD
Jack Nelson
Remember when he got blasted in the leftovers?
Good times.
Jonathan Ward
You are only thinking of the closet scene. Every girl Mark likes seems great at the start and then turns out to be bad.
Gavin Turner
I like to think the leftovers is the canonical sequel to peep show
Johnson really lost it after he got made redundant
Austin Watson
maybe hanging out with mark makes them bad