No facebook, no girlfriend, no job...this guy's a ghost!

>No facebook, no girlfriend, no job...this guy's a ghost!

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the dream

All my siblings are married, have houses and cars. I just sit and play video games and watch youtube videos. My parents will probably die soon and I'll just have you Yas Forums until the internet goes out...

A single ticket to the Joker? Seems like a high risk individual. Give me a rundown officer.
What does he do for a living?
>no record of employment, ever sir
He's in his 20s isn't he?
>it appears as though he lives with his mother and survives off of what little she gives him
Surely, he's embezzling funds and keeping it off the books. What about relationships? Who is he close to?
>No information there either. His mother seems to be the only connection he has on earth. We got in contact with one of his past acquaintances from high school for questioning and he stated that he was an odd individual who eventually lost contact with the few people he knew. His cell phone records show no outgoing texts or calls except to the local pizza shop.
Hmmm... unlikely. Must be using a burner. I wonder who this perp is associating with. Did you check his social media accounts?
>None on file. The closest thing we could find was a tinder, only active for 10 minutes with a fake profile picture and then he uninstalled it. No facebook, instagram, snapchat, twitter, nothing. He's a ghost.
What is this perp up to? Pull up his IP search history.
>We already did. It appears he goes on an image board 10 hours a day and plays the exact same video games he's been playing for nearly a decade.
Impossible. Any normal man would be driven to insanity with that isolation and repetition. Why would a young man chose to live the same miserable, unfulfilling life day after day. I don't believe it. He's already infiltrated our systems. Do a heat scan of the house. Where is he?
>In bed since 2pm and he hasn't left a computer chair since.
Everything has been compromised. Pull our operatives out of there. I'm going to have to call in an old friend from retirement for this case.

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God, I wish that wasn't me

A true legend

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fug

Dubs and this is the year where I get all of that + a driver's license

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too close to home
too close for comfort

are those monster cans?

Beer cans I believe.

Why would you want to have a facebook?

It's normie shit. I just want to be normal.

Ive been doing this exact thing since 1998. No wife. No kids. No job. No sex life. No ragrets.

Facebook stopped being "cool" in like 2013-2015. No one uses it anymore. If you want to be a normalfag, at least say Snapchat or Instagram.

same here but at least i got married to a cutie and we had sex hundreds of times before she left me

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watches all of her movies
reads trivia about her
this guys a stalker

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>This guy..... is a former KGB agent!

Craig?

>Doesn't drink nor smoke, falls asleep at nine o'clock, wakes up at five am despite being jobless

>all we have sergeant is a pair of piss stained sweatpants.
>I want a DNA swab yesterday

STEEL RESERVE HIGH GRAVITY LAGERS BABY YEAHHHHHHHH

>Not even a steam account, Sir

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>oh we have a name finally
>he goes by the name of "Nate Higgers"
>uh.... cheif youre gonna wanna take a look at this
>*smart guy officer writes the name "Nate Higgers" on a chalk board*
>*erases the "N" in "Nate" and the "H" in "Higgers"*
>*switches them around*
>this guy is toying with us!!!

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What’s it like ?

I’m a ghost boys

really?

Literally me. How my super spy bros holding up?

Still with parents, or are you institutionalized. If still with parents, what are you going to do when they die? Just coast off any inheritance?

>Johnson, what about those two people visiting, claiming to be his parents?
>I picked up something on the wiretap, sir. Our subject offered to "take them around the city" but the visitors said that "they already had plans with their friends, just needed a place to stay."
>Hmm... must be code for something. Nobody's that cold, especially on New Year's Eve. Keep at it, Johnson.
>Roger that, sir.

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At least he uses deodorant, you neets should take note

whatchu know about that?

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Got a job interview tomorrow and my driving test the day after, time to become a normie or fucking kill myself

Good lad, don't stress it if you fail either, I know a few normies who failed their driving tests 3+ times

I'm on the verge of this and the thought of being homeless is becoming a reality.

Dude I passed my driving test and tried to get a job in April 2019. Immediately after (early June) my neetdom started and I have seen my family’s expectations of me slowly diminish until now they try to keep people from talking about me at family gatherings so they aren’t embarrassed. I haven’t left my room since summer.

Point i/s, being able to drive doesn’t help.

was that when you left high school?

Is there a bathroom in your room?

>give it to me straight Johnson.
>no medical records, no employment, no education post-18
>So what’s he been doing since he left school?
>Trying to get a job our sources say
>So why the fuck doesn’t he have one by now?
>Says here he just applied for jobs, then chickened out just before interview and sat in the park so his parents thought he was being interviewed
>Jesus Christ Johnson, he’s up to something. Why start getting a job if you’re not gonna follow through with it?
>It gets worse sir.
>What?
>He applied for unemployment, got it, but never turned up to sign for it. Like he was too introverted to talk to the employment office.
>What kind of a sick fuck would turn down free money? I need outside help for this one
>And sir...
>He has facebook and... god...
>WHAT? He’s posted fucked up shit so we can get him, has he?
>He hasn’t even logged on since 2013
>Jesus.
>He also goes on Yas Forums.org.
>Now we got him. What fucked up shit does he post?
>”I love romance movies because they persuade me that I might meet someone who loves me someday.”
>What the hell?
>Gotta be code Johnson. Nobody turns 19 without having had a gf. Right?
>Sir...

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>he’s 29

I love the gondola meme

>driver's license
I take it you are a yuropoor since even CWC has had one since he was in his early 20's

Same. That's why i got the exit package.

what's that

>Sir it seems he has found followers.

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This might be how my life ends up. Even my 17 year old sister has had way more relationships than I’ve had.

No I’m actually 19, everything I said is absolutely true.

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See you up there, space cowboy

>no credit card
>Wow, you pretty much don't exist!

>Strangled to death with headphone cord by his computer.
Many such cases.

That's why you need wireless headphones.

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pls write next chapter.

Imagine dying like this and the first responders find your dead body inflated like a balloon animal

Lucky motherfucker

same. 24 year old, europoor who failed his test last saturday.

10/10.

sequel when?

More police storeis!

I lost my virginity and got an 18 year old virgin girlfriend at 23 dudes. Never even kissed a girl before then

You guys MUST be screenwriters or work for hollywood or some shit. Thats 10/10 writing!

start a family with an asian woman

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>died of ear cancer gotten from headphones
many such cases

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