/brit/

Retvrn to tradition edition

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youtu.be/t-qPaNpjGVI
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No coofers in this thread beyond this point, please and thank you.

French and Spanish authorities reported record-high numbers of daily deaths on Tuesday – 499 in France and 849 in Spain. French officials plan to shuttle critically ill patients out of Paris to less affected regions, with similar plans under consideration in Spain

In Germany, Chancellor Angela Merkel will hold a meeting with leaders of the country’s 16 states about how long restrictions will last – with a focus on the upcoming Easter weekend. Germany has recorded 67,366 confirmed cases and 732 deaths

Italy remains the worst-affected nation worldwide in terms of deaths, with 12,428 now reported. There is some hope that the number of infections is plateauing, but also fears that the poorer south of the country remains at serious risk. Economy Minister Roberto Gualtieri told newspaper Il Fatto Quotidiano on Wednesday that a 6% drop in GDP this year is “realistic”

And in Slovenia, the director of a hospital has apologised after tweeting that he wouldn’t treat a journalist and an opposition politician who had criticised the government if they fell ill. Dr Janez Lavre has since said the comments were “completely inappropriate and seriously offensive”.

figured it out
how green you are is based on how many people are infected after you, so how close you are to patient 0 compared to total number of infections

I proclaim myself Shah of /brit/

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Really would be an awful time for the Queen to die, wouldn't even get a proper big funeral after 70 years on the throne.
Hope they pump her full of formaldehyde for a couple months and wait until it all blows over.

Me? Still healthy I think.

Not a single green post for me. Reckon I'm going to win Yas Forums

For me its Azula

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All you infected fucks are disgusting

What's the projected death total?

Bout tree fiddy

For me, it's Azura.

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why the fuck are some of you fucks complaining about being at home? isn't that what you always do anyway?

absolutely fucking mad that the president of the world health organisation tweeted his thanks to lady gaga for helping with the corona virus
makes me think the people in charge don't have a fucking clue and we're all fucked

hey any of you boys wanna fuck me?

reckon I shall not take the coronavirus vaccine when it does eventually get made

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coofing irl but completely uninfected on the 'chon

>bought camping gear
>all set to go walking and camping
>lockdown

You're already pozzed brother.

>MY TRUTH
I hate this fucking phrase so much.

are you cute

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Pretty sure I know that bloke
Top Scorer for Premier League club Macclesfield Town
Think he won the Ballon D'Or in 2031

want to wank but bored of all porn and have no imagination

you virgins enjoy your coof game if off to sex the gf from home

oh fuck ive got it, fucking coofers

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>makes me think the people in charge don't have a fucking clue and we're all fucked
This is true all of the time

Been watching some YouTube vids of a fisherman going about rock pools and collecting scallops and crabs and stuff and he talks about the wildlife, very nice makes me want to go to the beach

No you're not

just fucking cum already you irredeemable vermin

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I'm just miffed about the gyms being closed.
Been doing bodyweight stuff instead
The sprints are destroying my quads

Don't give out (you)s simple as
None of your posts are good enough to garner a response anyway

Clean as a whistle, me

Lads
Everyone in my flat has moved out but I'm uncertain as to whether it's permanent.
There's a sexy sexy tub of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer and I never buy that shit out of principle cause it costs like 6 quid for a teeny tiny pot.
The question is thus: Should I?
I don't want to be a theft and if the bastard does come back I'd have to pay full wack for a half eaten tub of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream.

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I saw him outside the Mage’s Guild in Cheydinhaal.

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I'm angry becuse now I'm at home 98% of the time instead of 80% as usual

I enjoy being aroused more than I enjoy wanking.

finally got full infected status
well lads this is goodbye
i can now leave and do something productive

share with us then go on

Same.

Need to find me a proper british slag. Preferably Norwich or Newcastle. Where are the finest british slags located?

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So who was Patient Zero then? Did the gook make a post to kick this off?

Don't mind the odd animepost, but this is basically avatarfaggotry at this point lad.

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Flatmates who eat food not belonging to them are the fucking worst. I always make a big fucking fuss when people do this and embarrass them.

If you want 6 quid ice cream go pay for it.

It's such a scummy thing to do.

Here are the latest headlines from the UK and around the world.

Globally there are now more than 860,000 confirmed cases and more than 42,000 deaths

President Trump has told Americans they are in the midst of a great national trial unlike any the US has faced before. More than 4,000 people have died due to the Covid-19 disease in the US, according to a tally by Johns Hopkins University, with officials predicting that as many as 200,000 people could die in the country

China’s President Xi Jinping has urged his country to return to work carefully while maintaining social distancing

Burundi and Sierra Leone have become the latest African countries to record their first positive results

A 13-year-old boy is thought to be the youngest person to die with the disease in the UK. Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab, from Brixton in south London, died in King's College Hospital on Monday.

The UK is aiming to increase the number of tests for coronavirus to 25,000 a day by the middle of April, Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick has said

A British national is among four passengers to have died on board a cruise ship that is struggling to contain an outbreak of Covid-19

And in more positive news, acclaimed British painter David Hockney has shared some of his latest paintings from his lockdown in Normandy

Can't wait for the antibodies test to become available and show that I've already had it.
Fainted last week because I couldn't get any air and went to the hospital afterwards for a couple of hours, they tested me for a small heart attack and possible blood clots in my lungs but nothing was seen.
Strangely they didn't want to test me for COVID but ah well, such is life.
Pretty sure my parents had it, they both had a dreadful cough and fever for a week long after returning from Spain at the end of February. Two weeks later I got a sore throat and a week after that I Fainted with chest pains.

Business idea: use @ to quote someone instead of giving them a (You) in order to remain uninfected

2194
Nice try

Have you paid the rent lads?

It will be so long that I doubt anyone will remember a tub of ice cream

>Don't mind the odd animepost
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Any pozz cuckolds in?

put your name on it retard

>he never invested in a home gym

Hahaha just finished a nice workout and got a good pump

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That has been the reporting method I've used.

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but they're GONE

didn't give any yous either but received plenty. pretty normal brit posting day for me

That's why they won the war

youtu.be/t-qPaNpjGVI

Don't usually bother with the cooking bit a the end

sorry lad shes with me now, said she needed a real man to satisfy her, ill drop her off later yeah ?x

having a hot cross bun
nothing better

Lucky bastard can I come round and use it?

My flat is too tiny for that
And with the amount I lift I would probably break the floor.
Or at least severely annoy my neighbours.
Nice set up btw

Haha I just scranned some of my flatmate's food last night

@120652318
do you live in a wog built house mate?

hot cross buns are great desu, it's good that you can get them in Aus

Say you did a cfridge clean out because you thought they weren't coming back
You needed to make room for all the food you panic bought

i ran out

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Honestly when I get back to the flat will kick the fuck off.

I know what I bought so do you. Had countless times calling out housemates, will make you squirm.

Unironically had a guy refusing to wash up so just waited until he had girls round and would knock on his door and tell him if he didn't wash up I'm leaving it outside his door.

Nobody wants to live with you so don't be a cunt, wash up, eat your own food only and chill out

How many pennies did you pay for it?

Every girl cuddling up to someone this morning all cute and shy has been spread open and drilled hard by another bloke

Not a fan of this green shite

tell me more

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what are you having them with
its not even easter what are you playing at

Based alpha roommate user

not every girl is your mother, broken home Dave

this fact ruined me

eat it and say you threw it out in case it had corona if they do come back

easy

Yeah a cracked the cement, so I laid the linoleum, and use rubber tiles on the floor for deads.

You can come and watch me, but youre not allowed to touch my stuff

fucks going on

My trip isn't showing

can't get an erection when i remember the girl has taken loads of cock and cum from other men

don’t care, it was me doing the drilling to a lot of blokes gfs, just got to accept it and move on
le trad virgin gf doesn’t exist and if they do why would they date you?

london

supremely chad move to do.

>He didn't get a girl from Arab descent that was still a virgin when he met her the first week of uni and has stayed with her ever since.

GET A LOAD OF THIS VIRGIN

Look into my eyes

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Phone got spammed by a private number whilst I was in the shower ahhhhhhhhhhhh hahaha probably someone at Toil raging right now

if you reply to 30 infected posters you get a permaban enjoy x

Is this Hiro doing a public service by teaching chonners about epidemiology?

Let’s hope that’s permanent.

based unt redpilled

>My trip isn't showing
GOOD!
FINALLY A TIME WITHOUT TRIPFAGS

@120652530
with butter, what else?

How much do you deadlift?

>really hot girl from work started messaging me
>told me to watch "I Am Legend" and that she loves that flick
>watch it
>she asks me what I thought it
>tell her I thought it was fucking awful
>she stopped messaging me
did i fuck it lads

>tfw immune

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Don’t get the obsession with virgins, they are shit at sex

alri deano

You sound like a faggot lad

Test to see if tripcodes are turned off.

yeah you did i am legend was 10/10

Sad state of society how no one believes that my white western wife was a virgin and that I was her first

You stuck to your principles even at the chance to coom
I'm proud of you lad

First time with my gf was shit yes.
But it gets better gradually over time, it's worth it if you're in for the long run

thats because you're an NPC normie retard who doesnt care his girlfriends lips that he kisses every day has been coated in about 40 lads spunk before you, you just care about pleasure, like an animal

>i am legend was 10/10
alright armond white

I want to smell Emma Watson’s stinky bum.

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*Makes a leisurely stroll into the next room to grab a pen and paper while a private number repeatedly calls*

No whiny little bitch lads who go 'it's just the washing up dude let's let the food rot and live like students' can get fucked.

I will call out stuff directly when I see it.

>"miraculously" surviving the 150ft plunge
On what fucking planet is that miraculous if she stabbed herself to death immediately afterwards?

Yeah it’s possible, just very unlikely unless you met her in secondary school or sixthform.
Pretty much 95% of women have lost their virginity by the time they get to uni.

where's 190

literally don't understand why "negro" is considered a racist word

I just thought it was showing off who is the biggest sickcunt

Not much. 1rm is 160kg, but I cracked the cement repping 100.

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disgusting mentally ill freak wants women who suck other men's cocks

would say more about 80%

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because you say the words "go back from where you came" after it

>Why yes I am pozzed, how could you tell?

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Howling at this post

The Virgin Armond vs. the CHAD Christgau

>x can't be a miracle because y followed afterward
are you stupid

Don't understand something that I could easily google and then understand

gonna make this my steam profile picture

Calling this bloke to tell him his family is in danger but he won't pick up

mad how long this weird dreams being stretched out

picking the nose

based cucklad

Well Jesus died, resurrected and then died and went back to Heaven

Must be banter city living with you lad

youtube.com/watch?v=2L0uML715dE

the barbican is the our biggest pleb filter

Chinese are real human beings

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I did meet a few virgin females at uni but they were very few and far between.
Most lose it in secondary school, pretty much all my female friends lost theirs around 15-16

baffling post

poz

MAY THE INFECTION TAKE US ALL SWIFTLY

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mad how we shut down the world for a flu with a 0.2% Death rate for anyone who is literally 100 or a spastic who should be killed anyway

Mental how the soon to be ex gf basically pretended she didn't have a bf back in her home city when she was in mine for work and once we had sex in the early days and her bf rang her to ask about feeding the cat.

Grimmest moment of my life. Just don't trust it

Perjorative connotations, like most racially charged words

Patiently waiting for a REALLY bad post so I know 190's with us

too much green shit. doing my nut in, guess im back to toil

damn...

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>I did meet a few virgin females at uni but they were very few and far between.
how would you even know

scroll up and take your pick

You know before meeting my wife I felt incomplete, now I'm finished!

wat

storytime lad

kid always reminds me of tuco salamanca

I went to a PNG island called Los Negros.
I meant a blackfella there who said "t he Spanish landed here and saw all us blacks so they called the island Los Negros which means The Blacks, and that's us! We are the black negros!"

Really funny but endearing. They were good people those negros of Los Negros island.

Don't give a fuck you whiny twat. If you want to live like a student or have somebody else tidy up for you move inw ith students or get somewhere with your mum.

If you move into a professional flatshare/houseshare then you can wash up after you eat and take the bins out when it's your turn.

Not hard.

are all trips disabled?

Are you watching me?!

hmmmm

>never too small
that's what i say to the girls when i pull down my trousers
hey oh

he already told the story you moronic fuck

Lads I've run myself a bath
You heard right, a morning bath

there's an island in the philippines called Negros too.

got a good post in mind but it's in response to a pozcuck so shan't be posting

I had a lot of female friends at uni due to my course, it was only me and two other blokes, the rest were all female.
I also shagged two virgins at uni

Hello virgin

Taking a sail to Las Negras

hey

>>Explains it's the bf she's been living with for years but hasn't had sex with for a year because she doesn't fancy him anymore.
you know this was a lie right haha?

Go on lad go wash them pots and pans whilst your foods getting cold hahaha mongoloid

Off to nigger word island

If she fucking fell from 150ft and survived, one would imagine she sustained pretty substantial physical injuries. Then she went and killed herself anyway, so it would have been better if she had just died cleanly from the fall. "Unbelievable" would have been a better word to use than "miraculous".

Live on an island called Los Massivecockos

There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance

And why is the the 'soon the be ex'? Did you date her after this or are you gonna inform the current BF?

I fail to see the problem here
Have you never lived with anyone else other than your mum?

never had sex
never will

given we're all forced to be inside - shouldn't the BBC put on some Disney or Pixar films like they do during Xmas?
That instead of Homes under the fucking Hammer?

Thats grim. Women definitely need a regular shagging. Makes sense if you think about it biologically