/brit/

Mesozoic edition

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Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_political_parties_in_the_United_Kingdom#Minor_left-wing_and_far-left_parties
twitter.com/jonny_jardine/status/1241507880219676672?s=19
twitter.com/AnonBabble

>Fruit and veg prices skyrocket amid COVID-19 panic buying
Why are Asians so dense?

is emmet drunk this early in the morning (canada)

derishishh batu shoopuu

I only wank once every other day what is wrong with me

do I have low T

>That Wuhan-Lombardy-Seattle vacation sure was fun. Glad I didn't let that chest cold stop me from going either. Now, off to the nursing home to show Grandma the pictures!

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deaths already slowing down
literally a nothingburger

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shut the parks
shut the playgrounds
shoot people outside on sight
simple as

Why do NEETS get the free coronamoney? They don't pay rent or anything anyway
I have a full time job and actually have to pay rent and bills and stuff, I should have the free money

shit thread already

been saying it for three days now

Where's my gluten free MRE BOJO ya tosser?

>British intelligence

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Indian housemate is in the kitchen 8 hours out of the day and its really starting to wind me up ffs takes me a lot of effort to get out of bed and pep myself up to go cook then shes in the kitchen yet again just lose interest and order a takeaway

What's the best British communist party?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_political_parties_in_the_United_Kingdom#Minor_left-wing_and_far-left_parties

First uk city to crumble outside london lads?

sucking a cornershop owner

could obliterate that right now. Unfortunately I have 10 ciders left to drink before I commence my eating sesh.

Lads

I feel a bit depressed and anxious

all humbug.

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emmett is bricking it because he's an alcoholic overweight smoker which makes gives him a high risk of dying from the 'rona

the best thing about calling it an overreaction is that you're only wrong if it decimates the entire country and millions die
if the measures (which you disagree with) work, or if it actually IS an overreaction, you will still have your belief confirmed

must be a name for that

neets dabbing on the good goys

do you drink first so the food doesn't line your stomach? incredible technique

which one of you lads is this?

twitter.com/jonny_jardine/status/1241507880219676672?s=19

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We all are

I got a story for you guys. Back in uni I had this girlfriend who was really into sex. Having been a virgin up until I graduated high school, I thought I'd stumbled upon the Holy Grail of pussy when I met this chick. Granted, it took her a while to open up emotionally and build up trust, but when she did, it got really physical. We were banging so much at first I was actually afraid to move in with her because I thought she'd burn me out. But for a uni student, hell, it was the time of my life. Managed to have a healthy social life as well, grades weren't suffering at all either. But like every uni student that finds himself suddenly drowning in pussy, I needed one irresponsible night out to get into deep shit.

We got home at 2am, drunk as fuck and somehow managed to get me hard and good to go. We got down to business. Next morning I notice she's acting really weird, but I assumed she was either hungover or still drunk so I brushed it off. After a few days, in which she kept acting really weird, I get a call from a guy in one of my classes that I played PS3 with once or twice. He calls me in tears, saying he fucked up and he's been banging my girlfriend for 3 months, and he's fed up with lying. Granted, he shows me nude pics of her, timestamped and all that. I am absolutely furious. Skipping the whole facebook-gym-lawyer thing, I get home and start getting my shit together in order to be able to kick her out without any problem. I really didn't want this sex addicted bitch in my life any longer. In the middle of making a small inventory of the shit she brought into the house, I get a text from her.

"I'm pregnant"
(cont 1/?)

PengPengPengPeng

:(

mmm beer

manchester fingers crossed

ir*land is British, bugoid.

theyre on your back and they wont catch no one so they wont catch me

The Conservative and Unionist Party

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no isn't

willy reeks of quavers and spearmint

False dichotomy

Miss pints

If I took pictures of my home cooked food it would mog anything posted on here, but I'm not the kind of person who takes pictures of food instead of eating said food.

also yankified calcium pineal runt

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birmingham next boys
its already coming

drunkorexia in action

Don't like beer me

Give me a pint of whole milk

yeah. can't be dealing with waiting too long for alcohol to hit my bloodstream and enter the brain

Sneedism-Chuckism

I barely remember what I did next, because I was practically blacking out from rage. I could excuse - not forgive, though - the cheating, but scheming against me like this was too low for me to accept. I knew immediately what she was planning so I looked through the trash and found a bundled up condom, along with its wrapper. I fished it out and put it away carefully, then waited for the bitch to get home.

Of course she's crying like a bitch. I keep calm. I can see through her lies. "I think it happened when we bare dogged it last night", she says. "I want to keep the baby." She's smiling, saying I'd make a great dad. A few minutes into her play, I drop the bomb. "I know about [friend name, censored for privacy]. I want to break up. I don't care if you're really pregnant or not, I want you out." At this point I can see in her eyes she's sad she's been caught rather than anything else. She bursts into a fit of rage and accuses ME of cheating on her, of being sex-obsessed (!). When I thought it would simply be a matter of physically kicking her out, she says she can prove it's mine (somehow) and if I don't support her financially she'll press charges for rape. She's throwing all these legal terms at me, saying she'll press charges for everything (whatever that meant) and that she'll ruin my life.

I snap. I push her against a wall and start screaming at her. "Bitch, I found the condom. I know what you did. I don't give a fuck about you anymore, but you've known me enough to realize you can't fuck with me like this. I don't care if you have a baby or not and I don't care whose it is, but it's not mine, and if you dare to get me in legal trouble using this 'baby' of yours I will personally rip it out of you."

(cont 2/3)

More of a red bull and vodka man myself

>must be a name for that
I'd say moving the goalposts but I don't think that's what you're getting at

WHERE ARE MY CORONABUX, BORIS?

I hope Villalad is alright x

hmm na dont think thats it
cheers for getting involved though

People stopped dying, your neetbux is now rescinded

america is fucked
it only kills old people in europe because everybody else is relatively healthy
60% of americans are obese and have diabetes

blog on

>A Walsall staff nurse is fighting for her life after being diagnosed with coronavirus, her devastated family has said.
>Mum-of-three, Katie Hodge, 36, tested positive for the virus after developing a high temperature, cough and body aches.
>Her sister urged people to take the illness seriously - saying it is 'not just the elderly at risk'.
>The 36-year-old, who has no underlying health conditions, was taken to Walsall Manor Hospital.

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Never want to move from Little England desu, it's so bloody comfy. Urbanites should be hanged

(cont 3/3)
I was shocked at what I'd said but I kept my cool. She was bawling her eyes out, and manages to choke out a "sorry". "I'm sorry. I won't press any charges. I'll just leave. But I need ONE thing." "What the hell is it?" "I need...I need bout tree fiddy." It was at this point that I realized my girlfriend was a three story high crustacean from the paleolithic era. "Goddamn you, Loch Ness monster, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy!" I yelled as she swam out into the sunset.

yanks at 36k now lads

america is a lot less densely populated than europe so it will mostly be a problem for the west coast and east coast mega-urban areas. the majority of heartland america will fare a lot better than us

seal videos have been my main source of calm last coupla days

Might go for a poo

false colostomy

It's just a cold bro

>I got pregnant when we had sex last night sweetie

lmao what virgin made this pasta

new york is fucked, will decimate the gays

there must be some kinda way outta here

weak

How many boomers would need to die for us to see a crash in house prices? If I play my cards right here I'll be buying lovely property once this has all blown over

she caught a superstrain because obviously she's mixing with people bad enough to be admitted to hospital with it
99.7% of people between 20 and 40 will survive if they catch it

Quite fond of the uptake in sealposting lately.

we are fucked

First good post I've ever seen from you

mental to think that we have the best healthcare in the world and it's free (at the point of need)

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self-fulfilling prophecy

at the point of sneed

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Toil on the morrow. Just demolished 2 plates of reheated munchie box though so i might get it off due to food poisoning.

free at the point of sneed

Sucks being a warehouse wagie. Don't even get a quarantine. :(

funny you say that I look like one of those starving african childs with the fat gut

Had a slight cough for about a week. Little headache every now and then. No fever.

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said the bojo to the neets

thank you for your service

ashkenazi jews are also a lot more likely to be immunocompromised because of their fucked up inbred genetics

honestly had no idea australia's healthcare system was that bad

same problem as the y2k bug, nothing happened because everybody prepared for it

Why did you change the name?

Only 1.5 million vulnerable people Boris? There are far more than 1.5m POCs in this country you absolute cockwomble. #coronacrisis #toriesout

I'm an office toiler and I still have to go in :(

made that joke already mate

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how old is that? the NHS has been crippled by tory cuts over the last 12 years

Could be a good time to go to san fran next year then. Beautiful place ruined by all the fucking poofs and trannies. Numbers will have hopefully 'dwindled' by the time corona leaves

shagging a jam sponge

why did you change the name

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I for one shall be planting my own food in preparation for the second wave

thank you for your service

do you like ritter sport lads

Boyfriend waxed his arsecrack the other week and now the hair is growing back, his cheeks are full of pus-filled ingrown hairs. If he thinks I am shagging that he can FUCK RIGHT OFF

You'll be awarded a medal of valour, my son

Dig for Victory!

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need to socially isolate from black lads

cant remember if these were both me
funny if they arent

you're essential to keep any hope of civilization not going into a complete meltdown

Captcha only showing either 'verify when none left' or endless 'skip' ones
Fuck off

2011 which supports your point but the nhs has always done incredibly well in spite of being severely underfunded, people likely won't see the cracks until it's about to collapse

Need a black lad to isolate his cock inside of me

How do people even get captchas? I just click the white square and it lets me post

Which American state would you like to live in?

so... now?

need a piss

Rand Paul tests positive lads

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non because america is a shithole

Buy a Yas Forums pass, white boi

lads what big societal shift do you think will come out of the other end of all this?

I would unironically like to live in a shabby little apartment in NYC.

vermont

basically, but so will most other healthcare systems so the tories will get away with it

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was gonna post this

Either Texas or Colorado.

colorado seems pretty based

Utah

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Ideally wouldn’t but probably Montana or Alabama.

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>ARRRHG HELP ME BIG GOVERNMENT SAVE ME!!!

i wonder how many in congress has it

What kind of fucking name is Rand? Or Mitt? Or Beto? Why do Americans do this shit?

Things I won’t take for granted again: The sesh, going into the office on a Monday morning, stocked supermarkets

no that's a lion

Not based
Semi based
Based

Imagine being 4

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Live in California for a summer would love to go back

FUCK OFF
WE'RE FULL

why alabama?

riley
cody
noah

she's cute

Yeah, I'm thinking you're based.

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what's the american state with the least black people?

>Montana
Alri
>Alabama
Nigger what the fuck lmao

Maine or New Hampshire

ron paul named him after ayn rand

(-_-)7

CHOKING

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i had to get the heck out of colorado. have to be rich and work in tech to live there anymore.

takeaway drivers should be allowed sirens like the police and to run reds

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Ron said it wasn’t but one can’t help but think he named his son after Ayn Rand
Last names as first names is a common thing in the US
Beto is a Mexican nickname for Roberto and Beto O’Rourke is names Robert and from a Spanish speaking border area of Texas

I A M S O F U C K I N G B O R E D

t. Muhammud

New England looks beautiful so probably one of the states there

abundance of caution is this year's buzzphrase

t. gearoid

washington state. twin peaks was comfy. well, except for the demonic incest rape.

where the fuck do you live it's like £6 here just for a 'bab

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Noah is another one I really fucking hate, but at least it's an actual name. A shit one, but it IS a name.

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Somebody vocaroo something

Always thought he looks like a Fallout villain
Like he’d lead the Enclave

shrieking

>£4

where the fuck is this

love how they're dropping the "mental health" word whenever they're giving reasons as to why parks and playgrounds are still open and the press can't do anything about it

giving the old willard a tug