/brit/

Country's fine just save London is the motto of the day for BoJo.

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My life is so shit and miserable and i have become a spiteful creature. I hope this virus kills millions and leaves millions more in poverty

loving this display
this is some of the best banter weve had for a good long while

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dad's 70th birthday is next month but we're postponing it so he can still go out.

no exams in may and june

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retarded opinion

Starting with you

Dr. Birx literally said it on TV while standing next to Trump. She said Millenials are just as likely to get Corona and the early information was misunderstood.

He dies every month on facebook.

Reckon he'd have announced it by now.

Wouldn't start with schools then just segue onto London wide.

Benn hearing that all week

This virus is making me miserable because I don’t know when it will end and all my plans are on hold.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>invade country
>all troops feverish within two weeks
>army wiped out
Not like disease was the primary killer of soldiers throughout history or anything.

stormzy should write a rap about it, Mandem Lockdown

>BREAKING NEWS: All supermarket staff will be awarded the highest medal of honour: The Victorian Cross as a reward for their effort during the COVID-19 outbreak.

Gibbo confirmed?

I hope i get it so i can lie on the sick at home for months

We are, Bojo changed his mind after his own dad went on tv telling people to go to the pub

duno wat 2 hav 4 diner

Lucky mine are online now

Withdraw money from bank or nah?

Yeah i know, I defeated him in the basement of Benirus Manor in Anvil.

Bojo's a gambling man.

way to misunderstand what was said you fucking clown

>all school officially closed from Friday onwards
So what happens to all the teachers and dinner ladies and that? do they still get paid?

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BREAKING

ALL SCHOOLS TO CLOSE FROM FRIDAY

Shall be wearing it on my hi-viz

Any nonces in here, how are you lads holding up with schools being closed?

corone? not me pal

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yeah you might get a new £20 note

There's no good goy bunker.

>Medical company threatens to sue volunteers that 3D-printed valves for life-saving coronavirus treatments

>The valve typically costs about $11,000 — the volunteers made them for about $1

theverge.com/2020/3/17/21184308/coronavirus-italy-medical-company-threatens-sue-3d-print-valves-treatments

>(((valve makers))) said they couldn't make it in time, and would still charge $11,000 for it.
>Hospitals found some guys who could make it and would give it to them for free.
>The guys made it, and for now, it's working.
>Juden valve makers are literally seething and still threatening to sue the shit out of them for not paying.

Uganda be kidding me

need more

>Millenials are just as likely to get Corona
retard
that's not the same as dying from it

wait what, you're on lockdown? but didn't your PM said you're not closing down anything?

Uganda? I hardly know her

Are you watching the news as well!

London is gonna be like northern Italy

curry and homemade naan bread de lads youtube.com/watch?v=H9BcZHlwm0g

only if you need fuel for the fire

genuinely feel sorry for your peabrain, it's really working overtime trying to come up with a coherent reply

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Yep.

Now off to your open office wagecuck job with 150 other coofers

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>after his own dad went on tv telling people to go to the pub

kek

>Trump was briefed 3 months ago and chose to do nothing
haha yea based drain the swamp man!!1111

>london closing in 3 days
HAPPENING

I'm goldlad, I don't work anymore haha

crime rate will decrease by 99%

What does this mean though? I've got an appointment on Saturday in London. So if I drive there, can I drive back out?

Mum told me this joke a few days ago.
>make sure you wash your balls or you'll get the cojones virus
how could this be improved?

*waves my hands about randomly*
*all deaf people nod*

Source?

You can't drive in.

>BREAKING: Italy reports 4,207 new cases of coronavirus and 475 new deaths, raising total to 35,713 cases and 2,978 dead
Jesus fucking Christ, that’s way above last week

wew laddies
wew wew wew
wowee wew wahey
wowzers
wackity doodah

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>do nothing
>closed travel to china before anyone else
>reddit tier crying over trump in a /brit/ thread
take your pills

>Uni students happy
>Schoolchildren rejoice
>Toilers get to toil from the comfort of their homes
>Boomers die and their money grubbing fingers begin to slip
Yeah im thinking this is very based indeed

>surely they wouldnt do all this if it only effects the ill and elderly?!?!??!?!???/1//1/1/?!??!?

er yes they fucking would
thats several million people with their lives potentially in jeopardy
i know you cant understand it in your pratty little zoomer idiotic braincases, that cant properly visualise the fact that people over the age of 30 without social media presence exist and have importance, but "its just the elderly" is not a reasonable response from normal people with normal mental capacity

yes the government will go to extraordinary measures to protect the lives of several million of its citizens

fuck off inane little shits

in shambles

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your mum should get on her hands and knees and start licking your dick and balls and then when you're all shocked and go "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she says "saving you from cojones virus by washing your balls" and then she keeps going

Saying it in a New York accent.

>tfw toil is still expecting all but a few office workers to come in
fuck off you capitalist parasites

turns out that you DO develop antibodies to it.

can you calm down now?

>200 cases in Portugal
>100 out of the blue in Malaysia
Looks like we got another wave coming

PLUG ME INTO VIRTUAL LIFE

roaring, if anyone does this they’ll get clattered, no way will people put up with it

>you can go back to work
OH NO NO NO WAGEBROS

haha that would be so embarassing though haha

amd wins again

Fuck.
Is Richmond technically London?

saved this in 2013

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Only the communist party can save the British nation.

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You forgot the best part: boomers angry because they are in lock down and cannot go to the pub and their savings just tanked and there is a disease out there that could kill them.

Neets keep on winning baby. All it took was a viral pandemic to realise your job was utterly pointless.

>runt having to snack on chocolate biscuits tonight because he didn't do his shopping earlier on in the week

fucking screeching

Would an official shutdown matter? PM already told people to avoid crowded places days ago and the results are retards continue to fill pubs and clubs every night.

>Everyone can work from home

can't believe I'll die before trying marmite

hopefully its water cooled so the amd processor doesnt go up in flames xddddd

so which ones better?
t. brainlet

how do they enforce the so called "lockdown"

very very good lad. that's his business. why do people hate landlords so much?

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>...
>oi
>u got a loitering loicence? no? off to the chum with ye !

thread full of sensationalist hystericals

they're gonna play the complete neighbours omnibus from the start of the lockdown

pretty similar but xbox whatever x is slightly better i guess
not very knowledgable myself

some American tier shit here

Close A roads

it's disgusting

a lot of people are going to look like idiots once this shit dies off in april

military will be deployed to shops and what have you

You can’t enforce a lockdown unless the authorities start killing people. And even if they were to start killing people, that still wouldn’t deter some.

Lockdowns are dumb.

Most Landlords are weedy little pricks as well.

Proper NEET's, they're your typical /brit/ poster if they had money and property

Yeah but they don’t last long

cat tug

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wog opinion

Londoners finally gonna get the city state they've been begging for for so long

"this shit" is my gran and her pals you cunt

you know what, I don’t mind this corona. Need to save some money by not going out every weekend. Happily let Boris keep delaying the spread so I can stay in and save up

APRIL FOOLS

HONK HONK

>You can’t enforce a lockdown unless the authorities start killing people.
It's called a fine, dumbass. Or jail terms as some countries are doing.

shall be spending the extra funds on getting drunk on the cheap in my flat instead haha x

San Francisco went into lockdown much quicker than anywhere else because homos are such a remarkably powerful disease vector.

No chance they can endure social isolation. They just have to get their penis injection

They’re gonna air the original cut of Dune on a free view channel

maybe your uncle baz shouldn't be coughing on them

People who think everyone can work from home live a very sheltered bourgeois existence.

are greggs staff key workers?
the nation needs sausage rolls to survive

Yes

t. Kingstonian

HELLO MY BABY HELLO MY HONEY HELLO MY RAGTIME GAAAAAL

SEND ME A KISS BY WIIIRE

BABY MY HEARTS ON FIIIIIRRRE

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love cats that have firm fur like that
very cute and soft

these things are going to cost a fortune

considering the large volume of customers bringing it in with them i figure greggs staff are going to be decimated.

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ill repeat , no way is an illness massacring old people to this extent in italy not a threat to younger people. no illnesses are that selective. just strikes me as illogical. its at least something that sends lots of young people to intensive care. its a spectrum of impact maybe, but this isnt an illness that only hurts coffin dodgers. that should be patently obvious by now
im sure reports of young deaths will get more common...

People are still going out.

You genuinely can’t stop people from going out because there aren’t enough resources. Maybe you can lockdown a city, but you’d never be able to fully lockdown a nation.

PC

hope aisha enjoys her universal basic income.

Getting people that can work from home to do it improves the safety of people that can't work from home

>IMG_20200318_124014
HOLY SHIT HAPPENING!!!!!!!!

Nobody thinks this

It's clear you can't work as a mechanic from home user.

You can't do bricklaying from the couch can you.

Are jannies keyworkers??

WHAT DOES LOCKDOWN A CITY MEAN FFS

IS IT GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY THE ARMY OR WHAT????

>Citizen! Explain why are you buying 12 buns but only 8 sausages before I blow your head off!

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People that think that people who think everyone can work from home live a very sheltered bourgeois existence, live a very sheltered existence.

Obviously. The rate is 0.2% so you're going to see 1 or 2 soon and you know the media is going to let you know about it.

Big Phil dunking on capitalist doomers
twitter.com/PhilGreaves01/status/1240192904062255104

cringe overload

prediciting london riots

sucking on a danger ball

fuck boomers

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are you okay guys?

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Amazing how quickly "self isolate" became a term
Media has people so wrapped around their fingers it's scary

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>that still wouldn’t deter some
Well of course not but it would still go some way to quell the spread you fucking idiot. This isn't an either-or, either total containment of the virus or total spread and millions die, it's about the rate of spread and manageability.

0.2% gang

finally rural living may pay off. i'm gonna be running moonshine and black market supplies in my souped up honda jazz like the duke boys

Deigo comes to mind

THIS ISN'T BRITISH CULTURE

It means public transport aorund will be stopped and you can't attend social things or go anywhere that isn't essential (job if you NEED to/ shopping etc)

so, apart from not having the appropriately trained professionals, why can't we have the critical care patients occupy a regular medical-surgical bed. they all have the necessary connections for oxygen, suction etc. yes, the lack of ventilators will be certainly a problem at first, but that can be addressed as well

Curfews and public places shutting down most likely. Italy does stuff like fining people who are outside for a non-essential reasons, like going for a bike ride.

L O C K

D

O

W

N

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Do you think we can trust those numbers?

They’re from Chinese data

so just pakis?

my willy is on lockdown LOL

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>0.2%
it will get worse

this is wrong
Dr Birx refuted it

>CHINA BAD

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Delete

haha

*nasally voice*
..dr birx said so

Just got an unconditional offer for grad school at the University of Edinburgh lads

WHEN GOOD NEIGHBOURS BECOME GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD FRIENDS

No

Just said that young people are equally as likely to get the virus

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not had a runny nose in forever but i last did coke like 3 months ago

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ye put it next to my challenge 25 badge haha

>even if a vaccine is discovered today, it will take 12 months of testing before we can get it
so the next year is just a write off then?

noticed a lot of pro-China posts on /brit/ and Yas Forums lately
good times

I've just lost my job hahahahahaha

"won't be needing you for any more shifts" fuck off

hitchensblog.mailonsunday.co.uk/2020/03/mother-of-parliaments-or-smotherer-of-parliaments-contact-your-mp-now-there-must-be-a-vote-on-tis-bi.html

BILL GATES is doing an AMA on reddit (your favorite place after /brit/)

old.reddit.com/r/Coronavirus/comments/fksnbf/im_bill_gates_cochair_of_the_bill_melinda_gates/

haha he keeps stroking that bellend creature

My university is all online, so I don't know about that.

would be funny if it had a massive beak and bit his fingers off

If you ban travel on most A roads / arterial roads and set up roadblocks, most people are gonna be on lockdown in their own areas

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What would Plato say?

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>Just recently (Feb.2020) there has been yet a THIRD MYSTERIOUS outbreak in China [COVID-19;African Swine Fever] this time of the BIRD FLU [H5N1] kind that is more deadly to humans [the mortality rate is about 60%] & wiping out Chinese chicken & poultry at the most dire of times

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We’re still in flu season. The year is only a write off if Corona is still escalating by August.

dont think signaller school will be happening next month lads
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
they better not terminate my job offer. surely we will always need railway signallers right?

might make a reddit account just to ask for money
nothing crazy, just a couple hundred thousand dollars

Socrates was innocent of all charges.

Hate my open office. I would take a 25% pay cut for a couple of fucking big soundproof walls in between me and the next person

Vegans are having a field day

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Vast majority of young people with no preexisting conditions will not be hospitalized. Most of the young people who have died without a preexisting condition had a large over exposure to the virus.
It's clear that the virus gives serious symptoms to those with weaker immune systems while remaining more controlled to those with strong ones.

no

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Fucks sake, just ordered a shipment of Chinese chicken for Easter