/bort/ formally known as /birt/

page 8 you fat bastard edish

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canzuk is a major cope to be honest.

Reminder

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Today's birthday:
1821 – Richard Francis Burton

He was a British explorer, geographer, translator, writer, soldier, orientalist, cartographer, ethnologist, spy, linguist, poet, fencer and diplomat. He was famed for his travels and explorations in Asia, Africa and the Americas, as well as his extraordinary knowledge of languages and cultures. According to one count, he spoke 29 European, Asian and African languages. Although he aborted his university studies, he became a prolific and erudite author and wrote 40 books and scholarly articles about subjects including human behaviour, travel, falconry, fencing, sexual practices and ethnography.

Burton's best-known achievements include a well-documented journey to Mecca in disguise, at a time when Europeans were forbidden access on pain of death. He had laboriously prepared for the adventure by study and practice (including undergoing the Muslim tradition of circumcision to further lower the risk of being discovered). He adopted various disguises including that of a Pashtun to account for any oddities in speech, but he still had to demonstrate an understanding of intricate Islamic traditions, and a familiarity with the minutiae of Eastern manners and etiquette. Burton's trek to Mecca was dangerous, and his caravan was attacked by bandits (a common experience at the time).

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mad how the entire system crashed for absolutely no reason

brown hands

The deputy sheriffs, the soldiers, the governors get paid
And the marshals and cops get the same
But the poor white man’s used in the hands of them all like a tool
He’s taught in his school
From the start by the rule
That the laws are with him
To protect his white skin
To keep up his hate
So he never thinks straight
'Bout the shape that he’s in
But it ain't him to blame
He’s only a pawn in their game

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>absolutely no reason

Yeah not like the Black Death 2.0 hasn’t arrived or anything

YOU KNOW IN YOUR BRAIN
YOU KNOW IN YOUR BRAIN
LEAVE THE CAPITOL

how much money have you actually earned total this week though lad?

SNIFFING COKE AND WANKING TO JAV

how much cuck can a canzuk zuck if a canzuk can zuck cuck

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experts on /brit/ say it's just a flu

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This is /bort/ though.

our shirts finally came in. we're ready to ride out COVID together

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So far (yesterday afternoon but not evening and most of today) only about 20 quid. i know it's basically fuck all but i'm completely flat broke and have no other ways to make money beside selling some shit on ebay and checking if i have a tax rebate due but neither of those are going to come through for a while. I want to take this money i get from surveys and then have a go at match betting with it because i think it'll yield bigger profits. then i'm going to save from all these sources and have a go at investing on the stock markets. It's not the best plan i suppose but i'm sick of being poor and NEET and all the jobs where i live fucking suck and i hate going to work anyway so this is my earnest attempt to make something of myself

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>TFW literally and unironically got laid off from work due to the Corona virus
This virus has to be stopped lads

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how visible does a nipple have to be for it to be NSFW

they hate us cause they aint us

nothing to do with the colour of hands.
it's because australia, canada and new zealand are relatively small markets on the other side of the planet that all have more dominant trade partners than the UK.

also they don't want freedom of movement with the UK, also i don't see why they would randomly give away any sovereignty.

so what would canzuk be? besides some sort of vehicle to annoy all the other commonwealth realms who are arbitrarily left out of it (even if they are quite economically developed like antigua or bahamas)

chinese family: let's go to the market

global economy: *implodes*

>only 1 month left in the strategic TP reserves
send help immediately

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>online surveys

What a fucking runt lmao

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holy mother of peng, no women should be this peng

wheres the /brit/
this /bort/ isnt doing it for me
need my daily dose

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toilberg expects me to risk my life for his sake

awful

meant for

>face a different color than the body
???

Shall be joining the CPGBML soon

>1 roll a day

you got some savings to keep you going for a time lad?

made me realise how not worth it my work is.

friend was telling me about how i could make way more money in a different job. but i reckon i need a good 4 day a week job. can't handle the toil lifestyle, don't even know what to use the money for.

foundation they wear shines a certain way when the camera flash goes off

>I want to take this money i get from surveys and then have a go at match betting with it because i think it'll yield bigger profits. then i'm going to save from all these sources and have a go at investing on the stock markets. It's not the best plan i suppose but i'm sick of being poor and NEET and all the jobs where i live fucking suck

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what job?

>McDonalds has confirmed from 5am on Wednesday morning all restaurants in the UK and Ireland will close seating areas and temporarily move to being takeaway, drive-through and delivery operations only to deal with the COVID-19 outbreak

You're the match betting lad? Get on Trading 212 instead fs. If you've made 20 quid in two days, you could easily drop 50 quid into an account and start trading.

been away for about 4 years

whats changed lads

is corneto a thing still?

does that annoying slag still post?

do labour posters still come here and start fumming?

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Oh alright, we'll annex some countries in Caribbean too, happy now?

Jesus Boris Johnson is a fucking scumbag isn’t he? He’s “advising” people to “avoid” bars and theatres?! But he’s not actually closing them. In case anyone isn’t clear about what this means let me lay it the fuck out...

Small theatres, independent bars and venues, comedy clubs and similar businesses could (in many cases) claim on their business insurance if they were forced to close.

That would enable them to stay afloat and compensate at least the hardest hit of their performers, front of house staff and technicians.

Instead many places have no choice but to stay open. Many performer and FOH and techs will have no choice but to show up and get paid knowing they are helping to bankrupt the businesses they depend on. Inevitably some audience will show up. We’ll be relieved to see you and take your ticket money.

People will die as a result of going to events and catching the virus. More still will die as a result of losing their livelihood. Some from the effects of poverty and desperation, some from a broken heart as their hopes and dreams they’ve built up over decades wash away.

Small venues, bars, theatres, live music, are the lifeblood of arts in the UK. Killing them off will decimate the arts.

Who benefits? Firstly the big insurers. The only job of insurance companies IS to provide back-up when things go wrong. They’ve taken premiums from us year after year and rarely had to pay out. If they’re let off the hook then honestly what is the point of their existence.

In the longer run: property developers who will buy up historic theatres and loved-by-locals gems and turn them into FLATS.

Mark my words. This is pure evil. He is taking MY job and your CULTURE and turning them into a tasty payout for his RICH MATES.

aye same lad

Shame about that chin and jaw

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gf makes me feel awkward about doing stuff to her in bed that I'd like
says it's weird etc, makes me not want to do it
kinda ruins it desu
just want to bury my face in her arse or cum on her face

bravo! should get at least a billion of the stimulus for feeding the nation

take your meds

nary a pixel

happy little MX5 feller

well the whole point is i'm trying to get 50 quid TO drop into that account and start trading. i got fucking zilchie zilch and no one will lend me anything. I've been scrounging around for all the 1 and 2p in my house to take to the bank just to try and get this together

wouldn't love my gf as much if she didn't let me eat her arsehole

2 of my company's offices were closed due to coronavirus

i'm done for

corrrr does she ever get those chebs out?

>you now realise the economy is based on consumer confidence and not much else

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literally just started two months ago so no. I got one months worth of pay and then thats it. Which is fucked because how the fuck am I meant to get a job during this whole corona bollocks.

sales assistant in an outdoor shop

anyone else proper fucking hate yanks really really REALLY bad?

Holy fuck

I would marry her immediately

how long before the state seizes private property

Bootlicker

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are you going to include bahamaian insignia on all your canzuk paraphinalia?

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honestly same lad
every time i turn her over I want a go but i second guess myself thinking it'd put her off, not nice desu
not like there's anything she's ever wanted that i've said no to

explain

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Umm... All shops are outside lad

shes a cheb exposing slag, yes

Everyone who owns property is already in government.

>bury my face in her arse
>or cum on her face
woah that's some pretty extreme shit right there

Me but 31 years old

toil making me too stressed lads.

need to purchase large quantities of alcohol

any tips?

The Aussie kangeroo will be sipping a cocktail.

ah yes hehd immunity

ditch that prude then

schizo

None of those places have coverage for epidemics anyway lmao

wow women are boring?
who would've thought!?

mate i didn't say it was, but she's not even willing to go this far so it's not like i can push the boat out further

makes sense tbf, I expect nothing less than death and gutting of culture from the tories

This is me

Yes I am lgbt

Deal with it

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alri virgins haha x

got a fever lads

bought 10 bars of xanax

will it get me through the crisis

fucks your deal patrick? can't recognise an honest living?

>This Is How Much Food You Can Get For The Cost Of A Pack Of Cigarettes In Australia

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lets have a wank together xx

So that's how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Just wait a few more weeks and youll be able to loot your local tesco

your mum had my tip last night

1 3 2

Why do Americans have to file their own taxes?
Why don't they have PAYE or anything?

gf has an ecletic mix of weird stuff she's perfectly fine with and mild stuff she doesnt like at all.

Get a job you lazy cunt

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will be proper pissed if toil isn't shut tomorrow

can take having to work yday given we were off today anyway but it would incredibly disrespectful of toilberg to make us carry on as normal tomorrow even though the cunt himself obviously won't be anywhere fucking near

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cos it's fun

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we do pay tax as we earn. but then we file at the end of the year and that's when things like mortgage interest rebates, etc get applied

and do i care?

jesus fuck doug I told you neetism rots your brain. Outside doesnt mean outside your house it means outside of all inside.

OH NO NOT THE MILLIONAIRES.

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how the hell are you meant to know if you have a fever
ah yes let me just get out this mercury thermometer i carry permanently on my person
ridiculous piece of advice
could have a fever now and wouldnt have a fucking clue

we all ready for G E N E R A L S T R I K E 2 0 2 0?

Why? What's the point?

WTF THE YANKS ARE GETTING $1000 from TRUMP BECAUSE OF THIS VIRUS

FUCK YOU BORIS

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Disgusting bolt-ons

do you not have a thermometer at yard?

bandemicc

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you nasty people were very cruel to me this morning calling me gay and other things just because i showed a bit of enthusiasm and je ne sais quoi for the morning ahead

what kind of manchild are you that your home doesn't stock a thermometer for general use

ahahahahahahahaha
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Calm down lad. 1000 doesnt even cover an ambulance ride

>je ne sais quoi

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i keep a digital thermometer in me bum at all times and it alerts my apple watch when i get hot

>get government gibs
>all this shit is over in a month and things start getting back to normal
could have done without all the shutdowns but ok

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chortling

peak slag

It's funny because it's true.

don't think I've ever been able to sense the tears behind a post like this one
>h-haha ambulance ride
mate... $1000

Unironically wish I were black or Jewish or anything other than white really

White and middle class is just sitting around waiting for your own extinction

in aus they gave $750 but only to old people, disabled people and dole scroungers
actually seething
spent billions on the lowest forms of human

i've just got one you stupid shanty mick but its min wage agency work and i have bigger aspirations. Those are what you have when you aren't content with a gay pakistani bloke as a head of state so you wouldn't know about them

Everyone in Belgium must quarantine themselves from Wednesday 12:00 (11:00 GMT, the country's Prime Minister Sophie Willems has announced.

The measures will last until at least 5 April

Gatherings will be banned - people can only leave their homes in an emergency, or to go to food shops, pharmacies, the post office, and banks. But outdoor exercise and walks will be allowed - with people being asked to keep a distance of at least 1.5m.

receiving reports that Deano wrote a book

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quintessential american post

love the whiffs of stew

Made a cocktail for myself and the ‘f

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une fille et un chat