/brit/

Is it possible to reset tinder? I don't think I'll get anymore matches because I got too cocky.

Bloody hell lads,
Parking lot was empty, train is well under half passengers it usually has
People are actually all working from home now it’s mental

I really enjoy Elis and John on 5 Live every Friday

Need to listen to their old stuff now

list of fake illness

depression

anxiety

phimosis

bipolar

fibromyalgia

anything to do with back problems

lung cancer

dont remember asking this

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all me

alri grandad are the dead coming back to life haha x

>.co.uk
norton security going mental at this virus

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>NEW: The UK only realised "in the last few days" that attempts to "mitigate" the coronavirus pandemic would not work, and that it needed to shift to a strategy to "suppress", according to a report by a team of experts who have been advising the government

is oranges and lemons ur favourite

same. working my way back through the old ones. got a few more episodes before john splits from sarah pascoe and goes a bit mental. quite looking forward to it.

Yeah, delete your account, completely starts you from scratch, you will find you get matched more frequently initially, before matches trail off and they pressure you into buying gold x

Just steal bog roll from work

absolutely pissing

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Coronavirus is an immigrant

britain has been invaded by force in the past so blacks and browns are as british you

yeah that will be 115 quid a year please mate

please include blurbs on R0 value and herd immunity for the virgin

No you wouldn’t lad as you see I made a bit of an announcement unprompted into the open forum to stimulate discussion and generate (You)s such as the one you gave me and I’m giving you in return

great catch that

the white man is once again paying the price for chang eating his protected animals

He reads the Morning Star which is a Commie paper. Tells you everything you need to know.

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God how is peter hitchens so fucking based

dont know what the FUCK R0 or R6 mean but everyone else seems to

At least this helps BoJo’s agenda of the need to make Britain a scientific powerhouse

who here listens to bush and ritchie on absolute

and as such it should be welcomed

So the ELO thing doesn't carry over then?

rte.ie/news/coronavirus/2020/0316/1123469-coronavirus-northern-ireland/

Arlene and the boys are just going to keep the Catholic schools open aren't they?

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Decided to start being more straight up in my dating approach, not sure I’m feeling the nice guy shagger approach anymore

Why can’t are Noel tell the ol’ ‘rona to fuck off?

I wonder what Gary Lineker is moaning about today.

iirc R6 is a model of Audi

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>I wonder what Gary Lineker is moaning about today.

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look, closing borders is still racist regardless of any pandemic

You've got 10 seconds to beat it before I add you to the list of NSF casualties.

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When does that happen? Had no idea he was with her. Only just realised Elis' bird is Dobbie from Peep Show.

John is probably my favourite but oddly not really keen on him in-person/stand up. Find him perfect on air, though

Not on tinder

Apparently it does on Bumble

I reset my Tinder because my profile was shit and matches dried up. Opened a new, improved one and saw my match rate double.

just a measure of how contagious it is innit. higher it's the worse it gets

>dont know what the FUCK R0 or R6 mean but everyone else seems to

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Electric Light Orchestra? Big fan

>co.uk
>co.nz
based

>.com
>.com.au
yikes fucking cringe bro

my life imploded before this qhole quartine virus shit happened and i might be screwed.
>car read ended me and total my car
>it's broke
>i was dumb and only had liability insurance
>driver who hit me doesnt have insuance
>gotta sue him i guess?
>lost job because temp agency doesnt care
>hapned at beginning of month and sent all my money on rent to not be homeless.
>now broke
>carless in middle of nowhere
>jobless
>city has shut down
>no food besides 1 can of beans
>couldnt panic buy evern if i wanted to because 0 money.

been starving and broke since 3 weeks ago now. everything just got shittier cause corona. temp agency i work thru has shut down all jobs. no family to help. ill be one of the victims of cornoavirus who doest have it, just starved to death lel. honeslty i would have died anyway even without the virus. pure suffering

>utterly adore twilight

youtube.com/watch?v=GrSZVl4-byM

happy little tricycle brain feller

always want this webm to end with them all getting mowed down by a lorry

it's christmas 2016. they both did stand up tours about it. actually furthered both their careers. apparently he gets quite dark for a few podcasts though when he's in the middle of it.

for me, it's csiro.au

put this on twitter mate, easy money

My favorite anime? The Delray Misfits.

Awful stuff mate very very sorry to hear

Hm...I guess this is what they mean when they say there's just no time to die...

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JUST

>t-thank you for joining us here on match of the day you hideous racists

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remember seeing this fat cunt cry about soap

why does he look like he's halfway morphing into woody harrelson

whats your card info. ill send you 10 grand

poor craigo

Calling migrants an epidemic was our (racists) mistake, should have called them a pandemic. That seems to have worked.

just remembered that I'm English.

What celebrities are going to die from the virus?

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What are some things to stock up on? Preferably things with very long shelf life to store for another happening in a few years time

Just remembered that I’m English (ethnically)

genuinely baffling there are actual people posting in here right now that have GIRLFRIENDS and SHAG on the regular.

fuking hell lads how do they do it

shes not even remotely ugly

>Why yes, I do listen to James O'Brien

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caramacs
lilts

Bought some tinned tuna today that lasts until Oct 2024

Tinned food like Beans, Sardines, Soup etc..

If you have anywhere to grow plants, get a seed bank going.

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Shall I just shag her again or what lol before the quarantine

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pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59aabc7ab4ec5
found tonight's video

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or maybe migrants were a fake "crisis" whereas this virus thing is a real crisis, don't recall life halting and the economy tanking during the high season of boat people

just calling a spade a spade

>Proper fancy one of the girls at work lads
>She stands close to me a lot (more than would be natural)
>We have a laugh a lot of the time
>Reckon it could work
>Now a fucking pandemic has meant I have to work from home and won't see her

SHIT

Everyone has their time lad will happen to you eventually

man called to offer me a job

Uganda be kiddin me

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aah yes she's well-fed and plump by your standards isn't she
she looks like a grotty cannonball sow

What an absolute mastodon of a man

broke: stock up
woke: just break in and loot the supermarkets when they close
they're the criminals for withholding goods from the population

can't be arsed reading about this shagger's escapades because I haven't shagged in months

don't understand emojis

>not a giantess vore video
shan't bequooth it with a single view

shes cute mate. i miss being single sometimes, might as well shag while you can

his twitter says he's just a nurse lol

For me its the female posterior

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Based Australian man

Didn't happen for swine and bird flus either

they're all poor like obama

yeah and ive been to the moon

baste

prime texting time, if she reciprocates you know you got it

told hard but don't agree with his tone
very smug and self satisfied

eric on the ropes

Does this mean you will bore us all for the next few weeks, you utterly uninteresting dog egg?

what will happen to the shaggers when the pubs and restaurants all close?

meh shes absolutely fine for a drunken lay. I'm quite sure you're a virgin by the way you post though, so i get the bitter jealousy.

any of u lads heard of that coronal virus? sounds like bs to me

not sure what is meant by this maymay to be quite honest

Did Eric reply to that?

Yeah reckon I'll message semi regularly to keep things going

Nah mate this is golden - here’s why:
>obviously got a wee bit of a spark as you mentioned
>working from home will drive people to boredom but more important generate a general anxiety (understandably)
>when you both go back to the office you haven’t seen eachother for a bit and you’ve missed her
>not so weird now (2bh not that it would be anyway) to ask her out for drinks 1 on 1 outside work
>get in my son

what veggies shall i start growing lads

sick to death of hearing about coronavirus
bunch of fannies
it's literally just a bad flu

Hello Eric

who is this doing this synthetic type of alpha-beta psychadelic funkin?

but bruce, this isn't ending for months, perhaps years
who is to say if we will even be alive then

courgettes lad. and beans.

hit the contacts list

Tragedy of the commons

pumpkin

Yummy potatoes, the world’s most versatile vegetable

i've shagged but not a shagger
honestly seems like an alright idea

gonna go around all the nursing homes in the UK and fugg ya grans

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Weed

*uses emojis in messages like a preteen girl*

potatoes if you don't have irish grandparents

quit teasing. not nice

thanks lad. real pickle this one

it isnt that easy. right? youre just passin the blooney right?

>months long quarantine, working from home
Unlikely that long a period, text in the interim regardless

hey remember when we thought there was going to be a war in iran? funny how literally nothing happened and we all forgot about it

its more like good flu unless youre old

alternate between being a doomer shitposter and anti-happener for laughs

>random ""famous"" people aren't authorities on things just because they're famous
big if true

grand national cancelled lads
nothing left to live for

>Eric Prydz endorsing herd immunity
bad timeline this

OH NO NO NO

Aye that's not a bad plan. Not sure if I'd go for the full one one one drinks immediately though, reckon work drinks is a good way in. Course I could be overthinking it but whatever.

My ex is coming round tomorrow and I'll shag her in the meantime.

>not interracial midget tranny gape fart porn
will be giving this one a miss

Where is his source?

any retard with a few thousand lying around can make 50k+ in the next two months just selling put options, fuck hoarding anything just buy a plane ticket somewhere when it dies down

Good lad get amongst it
Also cheers

the virus spreads through texts.
solely anti-happener shitposting for me because it gets the most (you)s
'we're all gonna die' is played out

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AHAHAHAHAHA

can they?

can you post her actual face mate? tiny picture

Latvian honey beer is nice lads

>THE death toll from an outbreak of coronavirus in Italy has risen in the last 24 hours by 349 to 2,158, an increase of 19.3%

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Weird how Iran was one of the first countries to get BTFO by coronachan

CALL ON ME

Is an itchy anus a symptom of coronavirus? I have a very itchy anus right now, more than usual.

have 50k sitting idle but shan't be risking it, you don't know how far it will sink yet

citation needed

ah wonderful, a year's respite from that barbaric practice. some equine slaves live to walk another day

what are put options

is twitter broken?

pinworms most likely

they didnt contain it though

>more than usual.

You mean more than zero?

France is getting absolutely shegged by the corona right now

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youtu.be/llfNRGQ7Tlg
youtu.be/llfNRGQ7Tlg
youtu.be/llfNRGQ7Tlg

utter utter UTTER choon

Wondering if there is any condensed milk left on the shelves at Tesco.
All the normal milk is gone, long life milk dwindling. Thinking I should get condensed milk before it all goes

I don't understand why people want to post something with their names attached to it.

Steve Smith of 123 ABC Lane, Surrey
MY SEMEN TASTES LIKE BATTERY ACID

What's happening now?

>349 to 2,158, an increase of 19.3%
Hmmmmm

theguardian.com/business/2020/mar/16/vauxhall-owner-psa-car-shuts-european-plants-amid-coronavirus-fears

TORY PLANNED ECONOMY GANG

we're fucked lads
well and truly

shut the fuck up you mug
horses exist for my entertainment

bloody hell
poor luigis

how do you get rid of them

it's too late to really do anything
may as well just put down your elderly and sick loved ones now to save them and the nhs the trouble

genuinely dont know what this means but i do have around 200k in easily accessible cash.

What do i do exactly?

Nah I get an itchy anus quite regularly actually