Monkey paw thread

Granted. But Alan Moore chooses to have the only copy buried with him.

Granted.

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I wish to see Martian Queen Tyr'ahnee again in another LT cartoon other than Duck Dodgers

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Granted, she now looks like Marvin but with a wig.

I wish for moderate success at being a mediocre webcomic artist

I'd still fuck

granted but you become frustrated by the low ceiling to your success and skills

Granted. Your fans are extremely demanding and hassle you until the stress causes you to stab yourself in your drawing hand.

I wish I didn't have to pay beautiful women to peg me and could get it for free from them.

you are now a sex slave in a previously-unknown African nation with a sexist, matriarchal government. You have no rights, are badly beaten daily and receive scraps and offal to eat, on the days you don't simply go hungry. The average life expectancy for men in your country is 30, and you regularly see friends and acquaintances die and be thrown out like garbage sacks.
There are petitions by human rights organizations for something to be done about your plight but Trump couldn't give a flying fuck because he likes the cut of your dictatorial ruler's jib.
You die at the age of 29 of infection, in a room that is functionally a pigsty.

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>I wish my cat wasn't dying.
granted. now you're the one dying.

>I wish I wasn't drinking myself to an early grave just like my dad and uncles.
granted. you give up the sauce and turn to heroin.

>I wish I wasn't abused as a kid.
granted. you were spared abuse because you contracted polio and the permanent loss of leg function got you some pity.

>I wish I wasn't so neurotic that I kept quiet about my problems when talking to therapists for years only to unload them on an anonymous Siamese candle making forum.
granted. you now unload them on reddit.

>I wish I didn't hate myself for being too much of a coward to finally commit suicide.
granted. you no longer hate yourself because of that because you have accepted your life as a coward for the rest of your days.

>I wish there was something, anything, that I could truly look forward to instead of just pretending I care about it so people won't realize I've given up on ever being happy.
granted. you now have a 20 dollar gift card to walmart that will arrive in the mail tomorrow.

>I wish Bendis would stop writing aside from creator owned stuff.
granted. he's been given a permanent position on your favorite comic company's board of directors.

I wish for Steve Dillon to come back.

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He does. In a zombie apocalypse.

I wish the servers for EEnE online came back up.

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Granted, it's now free to play, and every ability is locked behind a paywall.

Monkey paw is 5 wishes, right?

1. I wish Rick and Morty only existed as concept art and never took off
2. I wish smurfs to be real and they are farmed like livestock and used as slaves
3. I wish for a cartoon version of Showgirls except Molly (Gina Ravera's character) is replaced by the Greek god Apollo and the brutal rape scene is twice as long and super gay.
4. I wish for a cartoon based on Shadman and his comics
5. Depending on how the previous wishes went, I either wish for a loyal wife I would find moderately attractive and has hairy arms and really bad periods, or that the monkey who's paw this came from had never been born. Probably the second one.

Well, you asked for it.
>Another show about medieval ladybugs or something comes out and gains the same fanbase Ricky and Mort would have had, and an incident similar to the Szechuan Sauce fiasco happens, but with the apple cinnamon dipping sauce they made to promote a Bug's Life instead.
>Eventually, the Smurfs escape, hide out in some uncharted location in South America and start breeding like rabbits. Once there's enough of them, they declare war on all of humanity, and said war eventually ends in total destruction of both sides.
>It's exclusive to a streaming service that no one's ever heard of and costs WAY too much, and gets canceled after the first season.
>The show is almost immediately banned in America and anyone who even speaks of it is immediately put on an FBI watch list.
>You like monkeys, right?

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>Smurf Haiti declares war on humanity
I don't think they'd make it particularly far. But I'd gladly join the army and fight against the smurfs in the smurf wars.

I don't find actual monkeys attractive (they got ugly faces) but I think monkey-like human women are attractive.

Granted, everyone playing is a Brazilian, including you

She lost.

I wish second season was finished

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I want Kelly Bailey to make me a theme

It is so...and live action!

I wish that the entire whatpumpkin staff died of corona.

A good Superman movie trilogy that gets 100% on rt.

I wish to hi five the monkey paw, i think it's doing a good job

Granted. You get 'too slow'd.

Yes

Diabolical

>Bendis is now the president
Kek

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I wish my waifu was real, exactly in the way like she is in the source material (except she's in this world, of course)

By that i mean that she must be like the source material, except that now she's on this world, so she won't be a paper cutout or something like that.

She's real, but wants absolutely nothing to do with you

the Simpsons is rebooted as an arthouse psychological drama series with no humor whatsoever
it gets glowing reviews

she's real but she doesn't like you and she's depressed and unhappy because you brought her into a world of suffering she does not fit in

Understandable, she's still a good person so it's at least good that she's alive

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Why does she not fit in? She's from earth aswell. A fictional earth, sure, but not one that is unlike hers.
She'll be fine.

unlike ours, i mean

she's written as a fictional character in a fictional world, the logic and laws of which are deliberately constructed based on storytelling and not a matter of chance like in the real world
that's more than enough reason to be unhappy and in a mental crisis

That's certainly a more 4D-like reason. She'd just continue to live life as she did in her world. It's literally just earth

well, I guess it depends on who the waifu is exactly
if it's Daria, maybe she'd be fine but some moe girl from an anime comedy? idk bro

nah it's not her
but she's from earth

Keith?

I wish Alan moore would still work for DC.

Wish granted. He's brought on as an official producer for the DCEU adaptation of Lost Girls.

I wish Jack treated ashi as a step daughter and protege

>Wish granted, but the series now ends on a permanent cliffhanger that implies Aku may have finally killed Jack.

>I wish the Simpsons would become good again.

...the 49th season introduces a new character from Disney's IP catalogue into the show to replace Apu.

Everyone you know doesn't mind him. He's well-written and funny and even brings some of the pathos to the show for which original Simpsons and Futurama were known. you can't make your objections known to normies because they all relate to Yas Forums shitposts you've seen.

However, the success of the talking animal character means Seth MacFarlane gets five more shows, each with a gimmick character that's even more annoying than Roger from American Dad.

But pop culture as a whole doesn't notice, because of another addition to the Simpsons, from the recently-acquired Hasbro IP catalogue...a bright pink one that has a picture of balloons on her hide... and every line she speaks becomes a popular cell phone ringtone, and a garish pink T-shirt that you see every day.

my god user, what have you done

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I thought this was a monkey's paw

You know, something i don't understand, was the Monkey Paw's negative effects from the way in with your wish is achieved? Not this "Pedantic Genie" stuff, just the way in which it's achieved (like how that guy got the money because his son died in an accident). Most of the responses here seem to be just twisting the wishes to having they turn out to be bad.

I wish Action Cartoons were back

She is now femenist icon.

Granted, but they're all call arts style